a new season

This is the morning of a new season. There will be movement and lists and introspection. There will be focused hard fought victories and nights of crying myself to sleep. There will be forceful expansion of my heart and the way I do things, the way I love and the people I surround myself with.
I need to learn to ask for what I need. I am focused and determined in my need to know what they need, how to serve, what to do, how to please. But where is my asking, my needs being shown and met? I have them, sure, but then they go to bed with me, unmet/unasked/unanswered. So much wrenching heartache without the equal or happy giving back to me.
Ply the depths, ask the questions, feel the needs and get the needs met. Do so with the conviction that I am worth it, always and the asking and fulfillment of me creates the well from which I can draw to give back to others. A circle of goodness and light, though it must be gained by traveling through the darkness of cold days and tearful nights.
The sun will shine, more often than not and the moon will also shine more often than not. Let these be my guide, my hopeful clarity in this season of lists and need and exploration. Of getting it right and getting it all wrong.

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